she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
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