there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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