kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
did i walk over a car last night?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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