ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You may now shotgun with the bride
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize