i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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