i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
