Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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