I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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