I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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