I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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