Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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