I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
