Do you still have your period?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
