so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
