I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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