cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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