My first STD was from a foam party
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
