can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
