i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
