My pussy is not your playground.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
