we have pet lesbian snakes
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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