So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize