This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
