I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
