I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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