he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
