I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
