I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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