so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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