we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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