Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
