I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
