I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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