I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
