This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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