did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
