this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
