i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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