I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
