Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
