Pappa wants mamma naked
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
