I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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