I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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