did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
