Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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