i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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