Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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