like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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