I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
