Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I need water and some morals
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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