Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
