im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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