that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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