The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
