he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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