Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
