She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
