The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize