i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
