also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
