I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
