I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
