I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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