He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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