he puts the penis in happiness.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
