Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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