mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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