i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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