Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
