I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
