We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
