So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
