you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Let's get the cat blown out
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
