the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
