Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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