What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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