This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wish you could order shots online.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
These tits shall not be calmed
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