That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
